a dead spartan.

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Nadine
Tara
Shoes
Rod
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July 2006
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January 2008
February 2008

it seems i cant really blog at home. hmmm. cause well. i'm in school again. o.o yeah. this is dysfunctional. heh. brought starcraft to school so ivan could install it on his lappy. whoo... damn fun. no lag. ... o.O" yea. ok. it's a really old game. but what the hell. there isn't really much to do here.

as i said before (most probably, but i can't really remember now can i), school is starting soon. ... sucks donkey nuts. rahh. and in a way, it's personally... gratifying... XD i mean. the whole hol was pretty screwed up. literally. havent been able to go out much at all. :/ well. there's always the 6 months of holidaying after A levs. oh wait. got NS. ....

whoo. haven't blogged for so long. lazy i guess. not good. must get my butt off the ground more often. before it starts to sag. XDD ahah. anyhow... now im currently stoning my butt off in school. the run today... was... shitty at best.. ahha. yeah. stil far way off from desired timing. but i'll get there la. just need to hype myself up once in a while. :P

im... waiting for my frisbee... .... nadine.. where are u... -.O im bored.. haha. got meeting at one.. until dunno what time. can't make it for night cycling (nuts). parets still don't trust me on a bike, at night. or technically, on a bike at all. for that matter. .... wtf. home electricity supply down. so cant spam ps2 or com. so.... stone in school i guess. rahh!! where is the frisbee?!

anyhow.. lotsa things have been happening since my last post. e.g., bangkok trip la... stayover la.. getting pwned by fever la... destroying my poor defenseless guitar by accident on xmas morning la... and.. stuff like that. and emoing on xmas la... writing super awesome poems la... getting damn awesome high score on tony hawk la... owning ace combat AGAIN... and again.. FIFA... all the late night gaming... and dying kois... and running.. and laughing.. and crying.. and farting... and shitting.. and farting some more.

SIAN.

now hols are coming to an end. soon. be back in school by next week. ... A levs year. ... never mind. must keep eyes on the goal AHEAD! the 6 month ownage holiday after EVERYTHING. :DD HUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. owned.

But. it's going to be tough. sucks. hope i don't die.

Here I'm standing.
In between Yes and No.
Not sure which way to go,
And I'm hurting inside.

I'd do anything,
From begging to stealing,
Just so i won't feel that way again.
Ever.

I want to be happy.
And free.
Away from the pain and the hurt,
The possibility of love can bring.

Love's initial promptings,
Only now can i find the words to describe.
At this moment of quiet stillness,
A period of transition.

Gentle as a breath of air,
Caressing skin long confined.
Subtle as cool water,
Boring holes into rocky faces.

Persuasive as the tide,
With foaming brilliance.
And lastly.
As solemn as a winter's night. Chilling.

I could find love.
Or i could find the lack of it.
Two variables that seduces me with possibilities.
An unbearable weight.

I can hear me tell myself to shut up.

This is awesome. i can play (more or less) Howie Day's Collide on guitar. and SING at the same time :DD hoho. this is too awesome for words.

anyway. nadine did some research on my name. here it is:

# Although the name Jerome creates an interest in the deeper aspects of life, we emphasize that it frustrates you through a scattered and emotional nature.

# This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the heart, lungs, bronchial area, liver, and bloodstream.

# Your name of Jerome is a dual influence: at times you can be extremely happy, expressive, full of fun, and good-natured; yet at other times you find congenial association impossible, being controlled by self-pity, moods, and depression.

# If you could express only the constructive qualities and restrain the negative qualities of your nature, you would always be good company.

# These contrasting qualities make it difficult for people to understand you and can lead to friction in your personal life.

# You are deep, philosophical, and refined, but your extremely sensitive nature causes you to become depressed over any real or imagined slight.

hmm. is this accurate? it's up to you i suppose. i think it pretty much sums up everything. heh.

But this occurence begs a question. what's in a name? i have not the foggiest. gotta spend sometime pondering this.

had another run today. sucking as usual. 5km. on and off. was SUPPOSED to be a LVL RUN. ah well. i never really did a level run before, as in completed successfully. level zero still not accomplished. sucks huh? yeah. sucks. need to keep at it. i can get it. can do. can. CAN dammit.

anyway. shoes... was the last person to come. heh. actually saw her bag while i wuz running. it was BOUNCING to the grandstand. ha. yeah. last person to do level run la. and what was that she was saying? ah yes... she reckoned by the time marcus finishes his run, she wouldn't even have finished her warm-up. ah. marcus. :D his run is getting better! :D everyday.... so awesome. whoops. side tracked. k. shoes. marcus finish, sit down, kannan come, talk. she still havent even start.

o.O"

hoho. damn slerng la.

so like. anyway. yeah. it was fun la today. really fun. talked a LOT. haha... gosh. ... i'm really going to miss having hz around. sucks.

i can finally play tears in heaven. and as i sing it now, i can feel the melancholy of the piece that eric clapton may have desired to be layed down upon it. i feel so... helpless. as if there's a great tide land bound that i can do nothing to stop. nothing stands in it's path, particularly me. and so, like all others i will be wiped away, the slate cleaned and pure, finally.

as i run my hands over the steel strings of my guitar, with it's wooden inlay, i'm reminded of an age-old riddle. where is the source of music found? is it in the strings? or in the hands that pluck them? i ponder this. without one, or the other, music cannot be acheived. and so perhaps, the answer is " The point where the two meet.", for one cannot create music without the other, and thus the source of music is the union of both factions. much like myself, i think.

i am two parts. one part emotion, one part logic. but more often than most, emotion overrules logic. and so i lose balance. and i lose peace. this holiday, if holiday i can call it, i have discovered this much of me. that all along, i have witnessed emotion cloud logic, and so all actions are determined by mood, and emotional perception, instead of what i should be doing to create a balanced answer. i have lost peace. and i have not felt the lack because i've kept myself in motion. but now, life is at a standstill for me. i've stopped moving. and it's chafing me.

i'm like. strumming my guitar. right now. playing qing tian. again.. and again... and again.. practice makes perfect. i'm dead bored.

saw odac today. :D or some of em. shoes. dan. hz. marcus. chang yong *surprise*. damn glad she could get out of the house la. anyway. suppose to have lvl run today. which i personally screwed up. e rest aren't too bad though. at least their on their way to getting back their previous levels of stamina. i'm still stuck in the dirt. and that was after 2 or 3 rounds. pathetic. suck.

all those dreams of being focused and getting past my runs easily. just dreams. i don't have the ability to make it real. and it sucks. because i'm a slacker. and i still can't break my mentality. all the other things i can handle. it's just the runs. and it's my biggest failure. it sucks so much. no one else can understand how fucked up this is for me. because they don't have this problem. they can focus well enough. they can beat down the exhaustion and the 'sian' feeling easily. i can't. and that's why i'm in the dirt. until i can find my balance, i'll always be here.

...

...

well then. about damn time i started trying. :D

heh. i'm not discouraged! which is a first. usually, i'd be ranting right about now. but heck la. i'm just going to try for it. and keep trying. let my juniors see how shitty it is so they don't end up like me. a sucker.