Monday, October 29, 2007
pw is coming to an end.
i'll bet this phrase is appearing all over the blogs of singaporean youths in j1. haha. everyone seems to hate pw. hmm. i hate the initiation phase. but i kinda like it. i like it. and i like my group. most agreeable group ive had the fortune to have. ever. no hiccoughs wad so ever. well. not much anyway. small ones even if there were any.
had a hectic day today. chinese As. then an odac meeting. then pw practice. chinese was... easy? i dun want to say anything right now. just going to forget about it. now. now. now. i said now.
there. odac.. was about xp! excited.. XDD but sometimes must be a bit more receptive. i knew all the xp talk was affecting bernie. you can see it in her face... gosh. wrench my heart. an echo of that old feeling came back. still wishing i could switch places with her, hz and tara? yea. of course. but reason won. or... cowardice? disloyalty? dunno. maybe stupidity is the main cause of this flashback. maybe. i don't know for certain now. need to reflect more, medidate more, think more.
feeling too much is a failing and a victory. feeling too much and not thinking or pondering about what im feeling is a direct sin. and may i be damned if i commit such a sin.
listening to eric claption right now. got a new cd. the 'Complete Clapton'. the best. it's got everything in it. everything in his career. from Tears in Heaven to Layla. gosh i love layla... it's the best track i think. haha.
odac. my family. and ive lost more family members. it's like cutting off my limbs. it's just as bad. i can sense perhaps, some indirect imagery? i recall an earlier post. i said my greatest fear was to lose my limbs. but what happens when a fear is put to the test? how long can the being in which the fear resides stay whole.? not long i reckon. i can already see the cracks along my soul.
Sitting silent on rusted metal,
that once was blue.
i think.
the colour is so faded,
i wouldn't call it a colour.
my voice is stolen.
as i gaze into your silent eyes,
dappled with tears.
i blink back a share of my own,
for fear of shaming myself in weakness.
the truck starts. rumbling foward
crawling like a dying machine of a snail.
then it picks up speed,
bumping along as it goes.
but my eyes are locked in yours.
at five yards off, just over the hill,
you run crying to me.
tears flowing freely now,
to drip down that beloved chin.
quenching the Earth's thirst.
my heart clenches
like my fist gripping the rail.
rusted truck bites into my palm.
but it is an antbite,
compared to the ache in my soul.
but still i cant speak.
i cant cry.
even when the truck rumbles faster,
and the tires lurch foward.
i shake helplessly.
only when you disappear over the ridge,
lost in a cloud of dust.
i think you stumbled over stray stones.
i wonder,
are you hurt?
did you cut yourself?
and now i can cry.
5:03 AM
