a dead spartan.

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Respite To Scotland

JianLin
fiona
Dorville
val
Joyce

Li Wen

J Lau

Gwen

WikiQuote

Nadine
Tara
Shoes
Rod
T2

July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008

List out the top 5 birthday present that you wish for:
1. mac power book... oooh.
2. Sony alpha slr.
3. a dance room of my own
4. tickets to red bull BC1 2008 XD
5. the chance to see the himalays

Answer the following questions:
1.(the person who tag you is …)
Valerie TAN!!!

2.(your relationship with him/her is …)
XD extremely close church friend/friend from church/whichever way u want it.


3.(your 5 impressions of him/her ..)
HYPER, laugh buddy, squuezable XD, serious and yet crazy, serious complainer. hardcore.

4.(the most memorable thing he/she had done for you)

help me with family issues. whole nuch of times.

5.(the most memorable words he/she had said to you)
jerome tan, you are gay and james is your lover. ... (untrue untrue)

6.(if he/she becomes your lover, you will..)
hur hur. XD keep u guessing.

7.(if he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be)
hur hur... still gonna keep u guessing.

8.(if he/she becomes your enemy, you will…)
commit suicide. instantaneously.

9. (if he/she beomes your enemy, the reason will be …)
the darndest issue

10.(the most desire thing you want to do for him/her now is …)
listen to her rant. ranter.

11.(your overall impression of him/her is …)

inner joy through outer ear ache.

12.(how you think people around you will feel about you?)
i have no idea. dun wanna noe though.

13.(the character you love of yourself are …)
ironic blend of childishness and spontaneous maturity.

14.(on the contrary, the characters you hate of yourself are …)
... iago. XD

15.(the most ideal person you want to be is …)
no one's ideal to me. we're all testimonies to god's sense of humour.

16.(for people that care and like you, say something to them ..)
wassap ppl. i love u back. yay. now stop giggling at my face.

17.(pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you)
1. shawn liu
2. roderick
3. bernie
4. nic dorville
5. algae
6. nadine
7. yang wei
8. shoes
9. hong taa
10. marcus

18.(Who is no.6 having relationship with?)
she's single.

19.(Is no.9 a male or female?)
he's a man sia.

20.(If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?)
im not too sure. could be? they make a good pair. XD

21.(How about no.8 and 5?)
hur hur.

22.(What is no.2 studying about?)
Science stream. lit as h1.XD

23.(When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?)
yesterday at mcritchie.. but she wuz sick.. :(

24.(What kind of music band does no.8 like?)
mixture if im right.

25.(Does no.1 has any siblings?)
yepp. younger bro.

26.(Will you woo no.3?)
mayb. mayb not. we'll nver noe.

27.(How about no.7?)
erm. haha. same answer. the dark side clouds all. not sure how this applies.

28.(Is no.4 single?)
I HAV NO IDEA. o.o i should ask though

29.(What’s the surname of no.5?)
lim

30.(What’s the hobby of no.4?)
haah writing poems and literature. haha.

31.(Do no.5 and 9 get along well?)
yes. we're all loggers. hardcore elites.

32.(Where is no.2 studying at?)
CJC

33.(Talk something casually about no.1)
he... he... is in srjc. o.o damn casual sia.

34.(Have you try developing feelings for no.8?)
no... she's my sister. XD

35.(Where does no.9 live at?)
ah. cck dere? i cant rmb. failed geog.

36.(What color does no.4 like?)


37.(Are no.5 and 1 best friends?)
nver seen each other's behinds.

38.(Does no.7 likes no.2?)
sigh.. i don't noe.. again it could be anything..

39.(How do you get to know no.2?)
odac!

40.(Does no.1 have any pets?)
no.. nooo.... NOOOOOO.... god wouldn't allow it.

41.(Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?)
damn sexy sia. yea.. freaking hot. melt the arctic. ... are u happy now? *headache*

hmmm. lots of things hav happened lately. mostly it's the end of odac till promos are over. yea. when the results come back. and those hu can stay on in cjc are blessed. yea. den it'll start again. man. i wish i could cry.

anyhow. today wuz.. intense? that the word? dun tink so. but wth u noe? dun care. so. intense. everyone had to complete 107 GST (including 7% GST increase). at least.. dunno 30 or 40 had to be done with logs. haha. yea. me and jethro proceeded to do 107 pullups, followed by 107 pushups. this was in the spirit of fellowship. heh. it worked. even though i have blisters that look like they'd erupt like krakatau, im very happy. happier den i ever have been for a long long time. we're really bonding. but human irony is dramatically inherent. wad we hav taken so long to build, may soon be broken. i just hope no one screws up promos. even if i kena hav to leave cjc, i'll leave happier knowing that odac is still alive. it's just lacking me. not much loss.

ho. i'm a real wet blanket. heh. meeting shawn and eric on friday to break at esplanade. hope i can stay and not disppoint shawn. :( hey dude. i noe ur feeling fucked bout me. but... i dunno. i have no idea how to properly make it up to u. sry. i'll break hard.

2.4 test morrow. nervous. last one i busted my knee. and hong zhou asked me e most difficult 'question'. ever. "why do u keep halfway run run then stop?". e answer wuz damn easy, but hard to sae. "cause im weak in body and mind". see? so now im still reeling from the question. but i dun tink he noes e effect of it. so.. yea. juz leave it first. i juz wanna concentrate on the run, even though got injury. i don't noe any tricks on how to do it. i juz noe i have to do it. another obstacle for me. and i dun just want to complete. i want to complete and at least break 11. im literally begging myself rite now.

e question i'd like to pose myself, just to disturb disturb, is why can't i push it? mayb it's a question of wanting? i don't noe. i need to tink on it. but i seriously need to find out why. soon. cause it's killing my confidence it me. yea. stabbing continuosly with a barbed knife.

heh. got back from e cat retreat in skool last nite.. haha. all i can sae is.. it realli wasnt wad i anticipated it to be. XD haha... yea.. weird. it wuz actually quite fun. despite the fact that bastard showed his face. i seriously, just wanna slam his head in the corner. i swear. punch him till he bleeds out of all holes in the face. kick him wen he's lying dere, prone on the floor. i dun care if i kill the bitch. hu the fuck is he to make my life even more miserable. mayb i shud fuck his life up a bit. yea. i realli hate him. i hate him more den any other person in the world. i swear. i hope i meet him in the gym, cause i'll juz pound his head in with a dumbell. the heaviest i can carry. pound it rite in. no hesitation.

whew. so much anger. boi i realli do hate him. heh. not too good huh? mayb i can fuel myself to run faster on the track morrow by hating him. i dunno.. it prolly wun work. cause im so weak. but anger will make me stronger. but won't love will as well? i dunno. if im asking myself to go round loving random ppl, quite hard. especially dat supercillious bastard. mother fucker. yea.

hmph. broke my silence in class today. guess i found sum ting to sae after all.. yea. but... i still may hav sudden breaks of silence. when i juz cant take the shit around me.

haha! finally.. nic dorville has passed me her poem book!! whew.. waited how long sia.. unbelievable realli.. it's damn cool la e way she writes... she makes the random and normal stuff of life EVEN more random and turns normal into ABNORMAL. ... truly odacer.. XD

anyhow. exams draw even closer. my paragraphs are still damn short. life is.. feels like it is anyway, drawing to a close. for sum reason. strange strange reason. mayb im gonna die at the end of the year fer sum unexpected reason. hmm. possible. mayb i'll fuck up my exams and end up getting laid back in J1, or worse, transffered to poly, or EVEN WORSE, lose my head and kill myself for failing. hmmm. oso possible. life is like a running track with many many turns and paths. u just hav to choose one and keep ur head downwind and run. run till you die. sum times, u might slow down, but dats ok. juz keep up the momentum. and when u feel it's time, blast off again. cheong. dis is my flash theory on life as i know it.

but for me, a bit different. this is just the general idea.

my life... is no jogging track. it's offroad. i'd liken it to the paths of gunung chamah, cause that is the toughest terrain i noe to date. so yea. and it's night, it's always night. there is silence. stillness and silence. u know there's nothing else living that's there because nothing's moving. it's just a dead silence. exactly what it is. dead. but there are plants. you can feel them, even if u can't really see them. they brush your cheek as u walk, sum times a stray thorn sticks to your hair.

and you can feel sum ting behind you. but wen u turn back to look, all that's there is a black emptiness. like the path behind you gets deleted as you take a step foward. you know sum ting is chasing you. the heat of pursuit is thick in your blood. so you hurry. as fast as u can. scrambling over dead bracken and branches, crunching leaves you can't see, clambering over stones that cut and stab you. and ever so often, you feel a weight, as if of a backpack on you. sum times, it's so light u don't feel it. at other times, it cuts ur shoulder and bends your back. the only light is dat of the stars and moon. most of the time, they are shielded by clouds, thick as wool. but when they are allowed the brief freedom of shining, they light ur whole path up, as far as u can see. with the brilliance of a lost evenstar. and the constellations are your friends, whom u can talk to, and hear a whisper, as if they speak from far off.

this is my life. and the peak is still far away. but im heading there. there's onli one way. up.

study period. intense. still not fired up. dunno how to do so. getting quite bored of this blog layout. mayb i shall change it after posting.

still keeping silent. im not saying a thing in class, fer sum reason. dun care. now sean wants to join me. .. this isnt a game la. speechless.

short paragraphs. supposed to drive e msg in. xD ha. yea rite. anyhow.. i discovered my lit skills a bit deteriorated. need to work on em. including BNW. muz score like mad. oh yea. today lit lect. tot i nearly kena tekan by fahy. WTf. scary shit.

ive been emoing around in class dese few days. dunno. mood swings? haha. cant be. im onli happy wen im around odac. ... so.. yea.. besides, i dun realli find anything interesting to talk to with my classmates. fer some reason. yea. so i'll just shut up. cause i dun hav anything to sae.. in case any of my classmates are readin, jus noe it's nth to do with ya. XD yea.

ah well. rainy lil sat morning.. been gaming e whole morning.. later in e day hav to sit down and actually study. econs class test wuz a real fucked up affair. 3 and 0. o.o wtf. im realli freaking out la. i noe i can get 3/4 the requirements to promote.. it's juz econs left to figure out.. dammit la.. sucky shit. mayb it's realli time to do it ya noe? pull up my socks and stuff. yea.

realli guilty. been putting off breaking with liu fer sum time. ... shit la. realli no time. skool, study, extra lessons plus odac (not complaining here). can barely juggle... hais. looks like moon people crew has to go on standby till after promos. ... even den stil no time. gotta prepare pw. chi a levs. o.o fuck it.

hmm... nfs most wanted. ... most screwed up game in the world. ... spent like an hour last nite trying to finish it up. argh. 15 attempts on the same race. shitty crap. i got so pissed off i juz flicked it off and fell aslp. couldn't be bothered. irritating nonsense. o.o

busted my calf and knee. knee is like.. dunno how many times liao. o.o shits. but soon la. i'll be back on the track faster. cause i cant stand not running. mayb dats e real reason fer my swings. but wadeva la. im realli weak and i need to strengthen myself asap. otherwise my pride will all die den enthu fer odac mayb oso die (highly unlikely. but hey. better safe.) den life flush down the drain. o.O""" yea. sum ting.

k. poem shall i? hmmm. mayb not. lemme talk a bit more first. i'm not feeling any particular vibe to actually write anything bout something yet.

heh. nic dorville has been here huh. hi dorville! XD heh. yea. her blog is damn interesting. anyone willing juz click on the link dere. first one. go read wad she has to sae. it's a lot, but it's good reading. XD i swear she's gonna produce sum cool ass novel in the future la. sum mid dystopic-utopic novel based on the feminist movements of the past, combined with some elements of economics and a mixture of wit. .... whoo...

i gotta get my exam mode on. yea. need to motivate myself. .. well not realli. i juz need to push. it's e same technique as running, except it works better off the track. fer me anyway. yea. it's wad odac should be doing. connect and transfer. thing is, i connect and transfer from my books to the track, so... not much sense. o.O" yea. geog. dead subj. realli. im so gonna screw up. i juz hope i dun. hoping sum ting dats probably gonna happen, and yet, in admitting it's possibility, i am labelled a defeatist? can dat happen? heh. anything is possible.

k. guess im not gonna write a poem today. mayb later tonight if i can stay up. ciao.

i feel so shagged and hyped at the same time. paradoxical mix of things i know.. but yea. promos are damn close, and i just realised how close. hais. like a red beast of damnation and hate breathing down my neck in the medium of time. sick.

blog entries are short. 2 reasons. 1. i found that my mind is a better place at keeping my heart's worries. 2. i've onli got bout 30 secs left on the com before my mom whacks my head out the window. the neighbours hav already complained once. let's not induce them to do so again.

they still havent called spca. o.o

long ass day. damn long. managed to get an extension fer the geog project.. to... well. morrow morning. not much time to do it. but me and kahlen managed to cook sum ting up la. sum simple stuff. dunno. chris tay probably wun buy it.. but wth la. i dun realli care. it's juz a damn ca. got more impt things to worry bout. like upcoming geog test... and... stuff. im not too sure wth it is but yea. im worrying bout sum ting. XD heh.

argh. having hard time rushing out the geog. cant concentrate. hur.

hmm. dis is interesting. im back here again. within a day. i dun usually do dis.

ok.. im shagged. fer sum reason. apart from the reason that i stayed up all night/morning hooting neighbours. o.o still no call to spca. damn. are they retarded or what. there's a very lonely owl sum where outside ur window u dumb pricks, or dun u give a damn? ... evil ppl.

morrow is a very long day. till 5. tuesday is till 6 if my memory still serves me. i dun tink it does. it whores itself out occasionally. so yea. but if im right, dere's geog remedial. till 6. and i finish at 2 on tuesdays. ok. spectacular. wad else could go wrong? and yet, i already noe sum ting else always crops up. mayb my mind decides to torture me into kneeling submission (ooooh kinky) again.

life is boring. apart from odac which adds the occasional spice to life, it's kinda bland. i need more spice. i need her. but she's not coming. so get on with life already. yea. just wad i need badly. a pep talk. from myself to me. freaky. mayb i shud juz concentrate on studies and running. being last on the track realli sucks. mayb it's time to suck back. heh. suck back. right. wadever that's supposed to mean.

2nd sign of madness. putting yourself down. in public.

yea. studies. time to pass my promos. hmm. gp. .... hais. guess i'll hav to 'inspire'
myself into finishing an essay. actually finishing one instead of impulsively lighting it up with a match. ah wells. exams. will always be exams. than i ask myself wads the point. plenty of arguments. plenty of time. unless i get knocked down by a car or fall of cjc tomorrow. wonder hu'll weep on my dead broken body. what a sight to see.

ciao. im off to live my life and stop worrying bout everyone else's.