Saturday, May 05, 2007
im in another stupid state of depression. again. sick of it. as usual... i dunno. stuff is juz going up and down a lot. im worn thin... honestly.. i dunno. i dun realli hav much to fuck about. im juz so cocked up rite now bout every damn thing. im more alone den i once tot i wuz. it sucks and it hurts. no one is going to help me when i finally break.
cracking from top to bottom.
from head to toe.
what i knew of myself i have lost.
lost in turmoil and defeat
the shame is driving me to the edge
the very edge of sanity and life
spartan? me?
i have not the honour.
a disgraced wreck among the rocks
the one who trembled
in the company of the mighty
the weakest link in a golden chain
no peace will i have
im crying all alone.
here in the dark
no more strength even to breathe
memories as dark as the night around me.
closing and constricting me
how i wish it would stop my heart
bring me to God's embrace
and eternal light
but that's not going to happen.
not anytime soon.
if im weak
so be it. for i am no quitter
the cloak
and the spear
and the shield
of a spartan will never be mind
nor the glorious death they desire
but i am me.
and so i struggle on.
with the tears in my eyes.
7:03 AM
