Thursday, November 30, 2006
haha. u noe? i actually hav all the time in the world to blog, but i'm juz too damn lazy 2. :D eh hehehehe. anyway yea. i'm blogging now so freak.
oooook. gonna rewind a coupla days back... tooo last sat. yupp. dat wuz... sum where in november. o.O yea i can't rmb e date. so wadeva. yea. we went to visit jennan after mass. i'm not gonna tok bout mass. mass is mass. as father *sum ting* said, it's not gonna be totally modernised so i'm not too worried. mass will (most probably) always be mass. ANYWAY. yes i like the word ANYWAY. so ANYWAY. after mass we went to visit jennan. well not immediately of course. wuz hanging around waiting fer sum of e alter boys (2 actually. baz and kwa.). yea. met nick.nick wee. hais... havent seen him in veri long. mae kindegarden fren. lol. yea had a good long (sizeable) chat. juz tokin bout O and wad not.
so after all dat, we started walking to jennan's place la. heh. james got stuck in e middle of the road. apprently still doesn't noe how to cross. dat took like a good 5 mins. ahah. so eventually, amidst a VERI slight drizzle and an over-enthusiastic security gate, we managed to reach our final destination. .... ... wadeva.
so yea.. jennan ordered sum chow fer us. ... o.O wa damn pai seh man. cannot tahan. but unfortunately, man's actions are mostly directed by his stomach. not the brain. it's apparently sum twisted arrangement, a twist in nature's plans if u will, dat allows fer such an illogical arrangement. i mean brain cells ( e thinking stuff) is not found in e stomach. and yet, man finds himself at the mercy of a food bag filled wit acid fer disgestive purposes. ... more will be discussed upon dis topic but not now. lengthy.
yea. we managed to see the new member of mother EARth too. :D cute. yea. VERY cute. cranston i believe his name is. haha. okok i admit... hes cute.. :D hope james didn't manage to ruin his future. i tink i'm gonna dedicate a few thousand rosaries to him. juz in case.
anyway. yes mae fave word, FAST FOWARD. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
to e part where we get to hold the baby. now. i did sum reflecting. why didn't i wanna hold e baby? wuz i scared? dats e easy way out and i'm afraid i'd hate myself if i said dat. no. i wasn't afraid. i hav more courage den anyone to do realli senseless stuff so holding a baby wasn't exactly daunting. so wads e reason? the look on each and everyone of mae frenz as dey held the baby wuz amazing. even james. especially manda. it wuz amazing. realli. not in any sick sense. honest. it wuz a veri sacred moment. i wish i could've taken a pic. but ended up wit a veri shabby one on mae fone. yea. but it wuz fantastic. but back to e topic. why didnt i hold the baby? i wasnt scared, of dat i'm sure. why? i guess i felt i didn't deserve to hav such a look on mae face. i'm too caught up in all the shit happening in dis world dat i'm banned from having a peacful haven. a more precise understanding of myself. a sorta 'what-if' i was a father. if i had a kid of mae own. a kid dat had a part of me in him or her. mae legacy. a part of me dat will live on wen i'm dead. but mayb after all the shit i've done, i'm not worthy.
i juz guess i feel i dun deserve to be a father. ...
6:17 AM
